It was brought to my attention by an anonymous source, someone calling himself Barnacle, that you have now endured three long seasons of bow hunting, and countless hours of sitting in a treestand, without shooting a single arrow. Upon hearing this, my first thought was "what in the name of Blitzen's ass is wrong with this guy?". After calming down a bit I began to think of a way that ol' Santa could help you out with you're little problem. It finally dawned on me that your bow hunting license would be much more useful in the hands of someone who would actually use it! Therefore I took it upon myself to fill out this License Transfer Application on your behalf and issue your 2004 back tag to a hunter who will have no problem filling it...even if by accident! That recipient is Barnacle Bill. This gift will eliminate any pressures you may be feeling to actually shoot at something and filling your tag next season...thus freeing your mind and body of tension and allowing you to sing freely the Village People song Y.M.C.A. Merry Christmas Lefty.
Santa Claus
Lefty Opens His Special Gift From "Santa"...
Dear Barnacle,
My gift to you this year was going to be a very large magnet which you could have used to finally pull that "lucky for deer hunting" horseshoe out of your ass. Instead, I was made aware of a much more important need you have...yes, even more important than the lifetime supply of Viagra you asked for. This Little Flashlight can be attached to your bow and will provide you the much needed assistance for identifying deer in low light conditions. This, along with acquiring Lefty's 2004 tag, will eliminate the need for you to purchase a hunting license for the ol' lady in order to cover up your bow hunting miscalculations. Oh, and one more thing, congratulations on killing the biggest buck of the year...I know you will display the award proudly! Merry Christmas Barnacle.
Santa Clause
Barnacle Proudly Displays His 2003 Awards...He's The Man
Dear Paco,
After receiving your Christmas List this year and seeing that the only thing you asked me for was a new liver, I decided to send my best reindeer Dasher on a stealth mission this past fall to observe your activities. Three different times Dasher reported back to me that you caught him sneaking in for a closer look and each time tried to shoot him with an arrow...only to miss. Luckily for Christmas, and kids all around the world, you aren't a very good shot. It was suddenly clear to me that I could give you a gift far more valuable than a new liver. Here are some Chaser Pills to eliminate hangover's. After the heartbreaking bow season you have had the only thing to do is get blind stinking drunk. Not only do they prevent hangovers, but after 24 beers and 4 of these little babies, even Mrs. Claus starts to look like a swimsuit model. Merry Christmas Paco...and better luck next year!
Santa Claus
Paco Tried Out These Chaser Pills From Santa...But They Didn't Do The Job!
Dear Rattlesnake,
This gift is one that Rudolph had the elves make especially for you. He figured that since you don't have a nose that glows, it would be helpful to have a device that will prevent you from getting lost in the woods on those dark and scary mornings. This unit is called an RPS...which stands for Rattlesnake Positioning System. It consists of one 50 foot rope with a clip on each end. To use it, simply clip one end to your vehicle, a tree, or your hunting partner, and the other end to your pants. This amazing device will allow you to maneuver freely in a 50 foot circle without ever getting lost! In addition, this unit has been custom fit just for you through extensive testing on every elf at the North Pole...with a 100% success rate! Merry Christmas Rattlesnake.
Santa Claus
Rattlesnake Was Very Excited To Try Out His New "RPS"
